"Everything is fine… but something has been bothering me.”
That’s how the conversation started.
I waited.
He continued after a pause,
"I often feel like I’m being judged.
Like maybe I’m not good enough… or not making enough impact.”
I asked,
"When does this show up the most?”
"In leadership meetings… especially when I’m presenting. It feels like everyone is silently evaluating me.”
I didn’t respond immediately.
Instead, I asked,
"Do people listen when you speak?”
"Yes.”
"Do they engage with your ideas?”
"Yes.”
"Do they give feedback?”
"Yes… mostly constructive.”
I paused, then asked,
"If they are listening, engaging, and offering constructive feedback… what makes it feel like judgment?”
He didn’t answer right away.
Then slowly, he said,
"I think… I’m expecting visible appreciation.
Some sign that I’ve done well.”
That’s where something shifted.
And I’ve seen this pattern before — not just in others, but in myself too.
That quiet tendency to read between the lines… and assume the worst.
Because what he was experiencing wasn’t really coming from others.
It was coming from within.
Silence had started to feel like criticism.
Neutral reactions felt like disapproval.
And the absence of praise felt like lack of value.
I see this more often than we realise.
Not just in leadership roles.
Almost anywhere.
We don’t always respond to what is happening.
We respond to what we think is happening.
We fill in the gaps.
Create meaning.
And most of the time, we don’t question it.
We simply respond as if it’s true.
And then believe that meaning is real.
But often… it isn’t.
Sometimes, recognition doesn’t look the way we expect.
It doesn’t come as applause.
It shows up as attention.
As engagement.
As someone taking your ideas seriously.
And sometimes, the pressure we feel…
is not from others.
It’s from the standards and expectations we carry within.
If you’ve felt this…
Maybe it’s worth pausing for a moment.
Not to correct it.
Not to overthink it.
Just to notice
Are you responding to reality…
or to a story your mind has created?
—
